Even Brains Can Have Fun
by Dissedent
Summary: Complete Harry and friends, or what’s left of them, get bored while floating around in their respective jars. They decide to have some fun, and what’s better than a game of truth or dare between brains?
1. Oh no, it's developed chapters

Title:  Even Brains Can Have Fun

Author: Dissedent

Rating: PG-13, because... I don't know.  How the hell do you rate something like this?

Warnings: um...  weirdness, weirdness... weirdness... I really can't think of any other way to put it.

Disclaimer: No, Harry Potter and Co. do not belong to me, and after you read this I'm sure that you will agree with me that that is a very, very _good_ thing.  Also, I got this plot bunny from the plot_bunnies yahoo group.  The plot bunny was donated by wendyicecream.

Summary:  Harry and friends, or what's left of them, get bored while floating around in their respective jars.  They decide to have some fun, and what's better than a game of truth or dare between brains?

Author's Note:  My muse made me do it.  And I'm pretty sure she's been sniffing something while I wasn't looking...

Chapter One (see the Author scream "Dear Gods, it's developed CHAPTERS!  NOOO!!!")

_'Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored...' _Harry was thinking, oddly enough "singing" to the tune of a cat food commercial he'd viewed on the telly once.  He idly reached out a long, moist, sticky tentacle and stroked Voldemort's head softly.

The brain, since that was all that was left of Harry at this point, giggled silently as Voldemort pulled away and started cursing.  Harry laughed harder as Voldemort got up and left the office, muttering something about needing a shower.

Another tentacle landed on top of Harry, and he heard Hermione's amused voice.

_'Serves him right for keeping a bunch of brains in his office and not even having the decency to give us some sort of entertainment, right, Harry?'  _she said.

Harry nodded, before remembering that he couldn't nod because he didn't have a body anymore.  '_Yeah,' he thought at her._

_'Bloody inconsiderate of him, really,' _said another voice, Ron this time.

_'Have any ideas of what we can do to amuse ourselves?' _asked Harry.

_'We could climb out of our jars and bounce around on his paperwork again,' _suggested Ron, sounding rather cheerful at the thought of getting brain slime all over the ruler of the world's account books... again.

_'When did we do that last?'_ asked Harry curiously.  '_I can't remember.'_

_'Two weeks ago.  Honestly, Harry, all you have left is your brain.  You'd think you'd have learned to use it properly by now,' _came Hermione's voice, sounding cross.

_'I miss wanking_,' said Ron's voice very softly, which told Harry that Ron hadn't meant for them to hear that.  That was the problem with conversations that were between brains, sometimes random and not so appropriate thoughts slipped through unbidden.

_'RON!!!'_ squealed Hermione.  '_You – you –'  She seemed to be at a loss for words._

_'Just because we died before you got any...' _came Ron's sullen voice.

Harry, at this point, had been overcome with hysterical giggles.

Hermione had apparently decided that now was a good time to change the subject... or rather, to get the conversation back to being about what it was supposed to be, before Ron had had his little brain fart.  _'How about we play Truth or Dare?'_ she paused, '_since Ron obviously needs to work off some of his frustration.'_

_'All right,' _said Harry, thankful that he no longer had to catch his breath after laughing_, 'but I'd better not end up massaging Dumbledore's tentacles like I did the last time.'_

_'Hey, bouncing on top of Snape was worse,' _said Ron, sounding rather ill at the thought.

_'I thought you liked bouncing,' _remarked Hermione mock-innocently.  It was Ron's turn to sputter incoherently.

_'Er, I'll just go tell everyone else, shall I?' _asked Harry, pulling his tentacles away from the other two and slowly climbing out of his jar, landing on the shelf under it with a rather sickening sounding _plop!_  As he inched forward, Harry idly wondered if this is what it felt like to be an octopus.

When he reached the first jar over, he swiftly grabbed hold of the top edge of the jar and pulled himself into it.  The _plop! _of this landing was slightly less disgusting sounding than the first.  Harry grinned inwardly as he slowly drifted down to the bottom of the jar, moving back and forth as he did so.  Hehe, swimming was fun.  Maybe one day they could convince Voldemort to get them all a big fish tank so that they could swim around... like octopuses.

Harry could just hear Hermione's voice telling him "It's octopi, Harry" but that thought was driven out of his, er, brain, or at least driven to a different and rather less important part of his brain when he landed right on top of this jar's resident brain.

_'POTTER!'_  Harry grinned at Snape's shout.

_'Yes, Professor?'_

_'Have you NO sense of privacy?!' _demanded Snape angrily.

_'Of course I do, sir, but we're playing Truth or Dare and you know that Professor Dumbledore won't let you sit out.'_

_'Get. Out. Of. My. JAR!'_  Harry wondered if that tone of voice meant that Snape would, if he could, be strangling him, or whether he had he driven him all the way to the point of evisceration... 

_'Yes, sir.  I wouldn't want to invade your bubble.'_

_'Yes, get out of my bubble – Dammit, Potter!'_

Oh, definitely evisceration at this point.  Yup.  Harry grinned mentally and once more climbed out of the jar.  This time, instead of climbing into the next one, he merely sent a tentacle in.

_'Professor Dumbledore?'_

_'Can I help you, Harry?' _the Headmaster's brain replied.  Harry carefully controlled his thoughts, since Dumbledore seemed to be more adept at picking up strays than any of the other brains.

_'We're gathering a game of Truth or Dare, sir,' _said Harry.

_'Have you talked to Severus already?' _asked Dumbledore.  Harry laughed.

_'Yes, sir.  He was as pleased as usual.'_

_'I'm sure he was.'_

Withdrawing his tentacle, Harry slithered off to bother – er, that is, announce the game to Draco Malfoy.


	2. Meet Doctor Weird He's my psychologist,...

Chapter Two (Meet Doctor Weird. He's my psychologist... and he's schizophrenic)

_'Truth or Dare?'_

_'Dare.'_

_'I dare you to... hop around on Voldemort's desk.'_

_'Hermione?'_

_'Yes?'_

_'That was woefully uncreative.'_

_'Shut up, Harry.'_

_'Oh, come on, Hermione! It's truth or dare for chrissakes. At least make it a little bit interesting.'_

_'Okay, fine. I dare you to hop around on the gay wizarding porn magazine in Voldemort's top drawer while singing the song "I'm so pretty." Happy, Harry?'_

_'Hmm, oh yeah, much. Hehe, come on Snape, we all know that you know the words. You can't fool us.'_

Snape slowly squished over to the top drawer of Voldemort's desk, every move conveying his distaste. Quite a feat, since most brains don't have a very good grasp on body language. He reached out one tentacle and the drawer slid open. He made a move to get into the drawer, which was immediately greeted with nay saying shouts from the other brains.

_'Severus, you know the rules,' _said Dumbledore. Harry was pretty sure that the old brain rather enjoyed torturing the other brains. It was oddly reminiscent of when the brain had still had a bearded body attached, really.

They heard some quiet muttering from Snape. It was two quiet to make out the words, but it was clear that whatever he was saying was giving a new meaning to "vulgar."

Slowly, the magazine was pulled out. Harry heard Ron mutter something about wanking.

It seemed that Ron wasn't dwelling on the fact that he couldn't eat anymore – and considering how focused he had been on it when they'd had bodies, that was quite something – but rather on the "higher" injustice of no longer having a... wand.

The sound of Snape singing brought Harry back to the game.

_'I feel pretty, I feel pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gaaay...'_ Snape sang, badly, as he hopped around half-heartedly on top of Voldemort's porn.

There was something incredibly disturbing about this situation, but Harry couldn't quite put his finger on it.

_'Time!' _said Dumbledore cheerfully. Snape stopped hopping and just twitched for a moment, obviously trying to rein in his urge to commit... is it still homicide if you're killing off brains? Cerebrocide?

_'It's your turn, Severus,' _Dumbledore reminded him. Snape twitched more violently.

_'Potter.'_

_'Yes?' _said Harry.

_'Truth or Dare,' _the way Snape said the words made it seem like Snape felt the same way about saying them as he did about voluntarily passing Neville in Potions right after an explosion had died his hair pink and his robes neon yellow. Not that he had to pass anyone in Potions anymore. Half the time Harry thought that even if Snape was allowed to teach the class he would refuse, simply because robes didn't billow properly when a brain wore them.

_'Dare.'_

_'Die,' _said Professor Snape venomously.

_'Now, Severus, it's only a game,' _said Dumbledore. Harry was suddenly very glad that Dumbledore could no longer twinkle at people.

_'Yes, Severus,' _said Remus Lupin. _'Lighten up.'_

_'Jump off the desk,' _said Snape. By the tone of his voice, he wasn't going to back down any further.

_'Alright then,' _said Harry, shrugging. Shrugging as a brain was rather interesting. It had the effect of sending all of your tentacles up over the top of you at once, and Harry ended up hitting several people, all of whom exclaimed their displeasure loudly. _'Oops, sorry.'_ And Harry jumped off the desk, landing with a rather loud, nasty _splat!_

Didn't hurt too badly. His tentacles had cushioned most of the fall.

There was another _splat!_ near him.

_'MERLIN'S EIGHT HAIRY BALLS AND THEIR FOURTY SEVEN MALFORMED CHILDREN, that HURTS!' _shouted Tonks, who had not managed to land as... er, gracefully as Harry when she'd accidentally toppled off the desk. It seemed that she was doomed to be clumsy even as a brain.

To make up for it, or perhaps just to relieve boredom, she'd been collecting and making up expletives ever since they'd been separated from their bodies.

Harry found it rather impressive that she'd actually gotten to the point where she used them reflexively. He heard Moody mutter something incoherent and wondered, not for the first time, whether or not Moody's brain was as odd looking as his body had been.

He decided that he really didn't want to know.

Just then Voldemort came back into the room. He paused in the doorway, looking at his desk, taking in the assortment of brains, the now-slimy official documents, and the porn magazine with a very pissed off looking brain sitting on top of it.

The was silence.

Then, "I'm going to leave," said Voldemort, apparently trying to control his urge to blast all the brains into teeny little pieces, "and when I come back in ten minutes, you will all be back in your jars." He left, slamming the door loudly.

Some of the brains giggled nervously.

_'Should we do as he says?'_ asked Tonks.

_'Of course we should! Better brains than you have –' _that was the last word from Moody that anyone paid any attention to. They'd all heard one of his paranoid lectures before.

Harry shrugged again, this time slapping his own self with several of his tentacles by accident, and started squishing off in the direction of the shelf. Ten minutes was a rather short amount of time to climb back into his jar, but he'd manage.

Hopefully.


	3. I shall call him Squishy, and he will be...

Chapter Three (I shall call him squishy, and he will be mine, and he will be my squishy)

_Floating, floating... _Harry gently rocked back and forth inside his jar. At this time he'd given up on the mental imagery of being an octopus. Yup.

Now he rather thought he was more of a jellyfish. Squishy and with lots of weird looking tentacle-like things coming out of his underside. Or at least, that's what he imagined he looked like. The interesting thing about being a brain was that you didn't actually have eyes, and were thus blind.

Hence, Harry had never looked in a mirror. However, he remembered the brains he'd seen in fifth year, and while they were fairly ugly and odd colored, they did rather resemble jellyfish.

Sort of.

Apparently he rocked a little too hard because he soon found himself falling. He landed hard on his side and flopped a bit.

_Ow_

Voldemort let out a cry of frustration as Harry – though Voldemort didn't know it was Harry, since all the brains pretty much looked alike – landed on his desk.

"What is _wrong_ with you – you _things?_" he muttered. He reached out to pick the brain up, but aborted the movement immediately. Ew, like he wanted to touch a brain, of all things. He wasn't even wearing gloves. And he wouldn't have anywhere to put it anyway since the jar had shattered, and the brains had been quick to prove that no, they didn't like sharing each others jars, thank you very much.

Except for a certain two, who... but Voldemort didn't want to think about that.

One of the brain's tentacles reached out and grabbed him by the wrist and Voldemort almost jerked away before he heard a rather groggy voice in his head. At which point he wanted to jerk away even more, but he refrained.

Since he was nice.

_'Hi.'_

"Let. Go," said Voldemort stiffly. The tentacle around his wrist was really starting to bother him. It was slimy, and disgusting, and _slimy..._ Voldemort didn't like slimy. It reminded him of... slimy things.

_'Why?'_ asked the brain, which Voldemort was pretty sure was Potter. It sounded like Potter, anyway, and was certainly just as annoying.

"Because I said to let go, that's why," said Voldemort in irritation. A quick glance around showed that all the brains were watching the show, tentacles outstretched in interest.

Voldemort shuddered. He really needed to reconsider the whole having the brains in his office thing.

_'Mmm... No.'_ Voldemort stared at the brain in disbelief. Oh yes, it was most definitely Potter, because only Potter was this insufferable. Not even _Dumbledore_ came close. Voldemort wondered once more what had possessed him to put his enemy's brains in jars, instead of killing them outright.

Oh, right, the whole 'chance to torment them for eternity' thing. Was he allowed to change his mind?

"Why not?" Voldemort asked, before he had time to consider it further. Wouldn't it have been more Evil Dark Lord-ish if he'd just jerked his hand away and ripped the thing's tentacle off?

Then again... _ew_.

_'Wanna ask you something,' _said the brain.

"Fine, what?" asked Voldemort, only now noticing that there was a positively indecent amount of brain slime all over his documents. He wrinkled his nose in distaste.

_'Can I have a bigger jar?'_

_'Tag, you're it!' _Harry quickly swam away from Hermione as she started to chase after him. Voldemort, in response to Harry's request, had dumped all of the brains into a giant aquarium.

Which meant two things: one, they no longer resided in Voldemort's office, but rather in his reception room; and two, Snape was very unhappy. Currently Snape was sulkily inhabiting one of the bottom corners of the tank, fully prepared to beat on anyone who came near him with his tentacles.

Just then several men apparated into the reception room, causing several of the brains to swim to that wall of the aquarium in interest. Harry laughed when several of the Death Eaters moved as far away from the aquarium as they could. He swam up to the top of the tank and reached his tentacles out of the water, stretching them towards the very freaked out Death Eaters.

Who backed away further.

Harry was soon joined by several other brains. Several of the Death Eaters ran into the far wall as they tried to back away even farther. Of course, the room was so small that even pressed up against the wall the Death Eaters were only a few feet away from the tank.

Another Death Eater apparated in. Noticing who it was, Harry grinned – mentally, of course.

_'Malfoy!'_

_'What?'_ asked Draco irritably.

_'I dare you to jump on your father's head.'_

It turns out that brains make for truly fugly hats.


End file.
